I was a nervous wreck yesterday. But, it wasn’t even about the job itself. Waking up at 5:30-6:00am every morning…thats enough to make me real anxious–I hate the morning, never have been a morning person. [I remember a time where sleeping in meant the longer I would go without eating or having to think about another day with the ultimate goal being, please, Eat to Live, Not the Alternative…]
Aside from waking up, I am anxious about the hour drive there every morning (at 6:45am) and afternoon…unless, of course, I have class after work, then its another 20 minutes to USF before the other hour drive home (which puts me home at about 11pm). Holy gas $!
Another thing, thee thing, that made me so anxious yesterday was wondering how I will ever find balance. Where am I going to fit in 40 hours of work, plus 3 graduate classes, plus homework, plus projects, plus papers, plus exam studying, not to mention dedicating enough quality time to my long-distance, amazingly loving boyfriend in West Palm Beach…AND, when am I going to find time for GYM-time!?! Oh boy, this makes me anxious, definitely. Will I skip homework or studying to go to spin class? Will I wake up at 4:30am to get to the gym by 5:00am when they open? When, besides maybe regularly on Saturday and Sunday, will I be able to go to the gym? If I can’t go to the gym, I can’t “erase” my “mistakes”…her mistakes. Ahhhh…what if…what if I gain weight and I don’t have time to work it off??
Part of me wanted to ask my boyfriend, my love, my Galo, if he will still love me if I can’t find time for the gym… but, I decided it was a ridiculous question. Point is, I thought it…and, sadly, without just or reason, it worries me. Will people still think the same of me if I gain a couple pounds while I adjust to this new schedule? Such a sad question to be honestly asking myself… but, I won’t lie. I will be honest, the question is a source of real concern…real irrational concern.