Mothers with eating disorders
Women with eating disorders can be mothers. Some come to my practice
because they want to heal for the sake of their children. They do not want
their children to have eating disorders or suffer because their mother
is ill.
These often are women who could not rally themselves to put their own
well being first and get help earlier. Maternal love pushes them to be stronger
and more courageous and determined than they dreamed possible. They
seek recovery for the sake of their children.
At a garden party last week end where most of the guests were new parents
I heard one mother voice concerns I hadn’t considered. I felt startled and humbled
by my own thinking deficit. She spoke to me about a situation I am not likely to
see in my practice.
Her child is three years old. One of her child’s best friends from school is being
raised by a mother with an obvious eating disorder. That three year old child is
concerned about carbohydrates and about getting fat.
The mother I was speaking with didn’t t want that influence on her three year old
daughter and was struggling with the idea of breaking up the friendship between these
children. She is probably going to put an end to play-dates with the child from the
eating disorder situation.
I can appreciate the mother’s concerns for her child. Eating disorder thinking
and behaviors are beginning in children at increasingly younger ages.
My hunch is that the mother with the eating disorder would be horrified to learn
that her illness is apparent and already having a powerful effect on her young daughter’s
emotions, thinking, behavior and social relationships.
Joanna Poppink, MFT, psychotherapist eating disorder specialist, Los Angeles, CA
bulimia, anorexia, compulsive overeating recovery: www.poppink.com
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Could you provide me more general information for children of Mother’s with Eating Disorders? My mom has had anorexia since she was in college. I am now in college(20 years old). She has been to two 90 day treatment, and luckily the worst of the disease is in the past and she hasnt had to go to treatment in the last 3 years. I am just realizing how much anger I have towards her… So I decided to write this blog because I know there has to be others out there that have gone through the same thing. It is a shame that there is not as much attention and support on us.
Whitney’s last blog post..Children of Mother’s with Eating Disorders
Thank you for this challenging question.
Yes, I do reflect on the many problematic issues raised in a family and particularly between mother and child when the mother has an eating disorder.
I will write more at length soon on this subject. For now, a child, especially a very young child, needs her mother’s presence. Studies now show that any separation before the age of 2 years old can cause deep difficulties for a child’s healthy development.
The whole point of an eating disorder is defense and the core of the defense is to leave, i.e. to not be present.
When a loving, caring, thoughtful and attentive mother has an eating disorder, she doesn’t know how psychologically and emotionally absent she is from her child. But the child knows.
The child will suffer pain, fear, and experience various glitches in normal development. She will also develop defenses of her own to cope with the stress of having a mother who disappears even if the mother never leaves the home.
I will write more about this Whitney. Thank you again for the question and good luck helping others with your Children with Mothers with Eating Disorders blog.
warm regards,
Joanna