I have mentioned the mentioned expression before… it is very fitting in the world of eating disorders. It definitely was for me, anyways. Over time…seconds, minutes, days, weeks… pressure, pressure, pressure then, BUST. Pressure busts pipes. Then, you have a catastrophe on your hands. But, it doesn’t have to be that way…
During a period of anorexia or a lull before a binge, I restricted. Like, seriously restricted. A cookie was NOT just a cookie. When I didn’t allow myself to have the one cookie I wanted, when I restricted and demanded myself not to have even one… that had “pressure busts pipes” written all over it.
If you disallow yourself of something with such strong focus and cerebral demand, when you (inevitably) eat a cookie, what else can you call it at that point except an utter fail. According to your determinant demands, you failed… you ate the cookie. Instead of a cookie, it is now a catastrophe. Because it’s a catastrophe, instead of one cookie, it will probably turn into a box of cookies, which will probably turn into a box of something else… —> Binge.
But, what if it wasn’t a failure? What if you stopped telling yourself what you absolutely cannot eat? What if you stopped trying to restrict, restrict, restrict and control, control, control? What if you stopped all of those mind games and, when you wanted a cookie, ate a cookie…
How different could giving into one cookie be? How different could that feel? How different could that be for you? Could you just be Eating to Live, not living to control what you eat…or, more accurately, what you don’t eat? Could you just be Eating to Live, Not the Alternative?
If there was no pressure, wouldn’t it be much less easy to “bust pipes”. In other words, if you put less pressure on yourself, wouldn’t it be much easier to keep from cyclical & catastrophic failures?
For me, personally, this epiphany (that may sound obvious or menial to some) was nothing short of a miracle in my recovery. Now, when I want a cookie, or whatever, I eat it…just it. Not a box, not a binge…just it, whatever it is. And, I’m good. I enjoy it. I like it. And, that’s IT!
…It’s a miracle, truly. Try it. Try letting go. Try removing the pressure and, just eat it.
Cheers to Eating to Live, Not the Alternative.