I worked and supported myself, with the help of plenty of student loans, throughout my time at USF. I was in a sorority, Kappa Delta. I had a serious boyfriend, who I separated myself from in 2007. I had plenty of opportunity to have fun, make money, and accomplish. I am stuck with the feeling that I wasted a lot of that opportunity.
Since I earned my degree, my mind has changed and been rattled and has been busy racing around itself. My goal was to get my Master’s degree and become a counselor…that didn’t pan out the way I thought it would. I have always wanted to write books about positive self-esteem and body image as well as the reality of a disordered eater. I’ve wanted to public speak, to inspire. I’ve wanted to write cookbooks; I love to cook. I’ve wanted to settle down and fall in love; who doesn’t? I’ve wanted to improve myself, transform myself into more of a loving provider and get ready for a family. I’ve wanted to do a lot. But, I haven’t done anything. I feel like I haven’t finished and actually accomplished anything. I am 26 now. I feel like the same confused, lost soul I was at 18, at 21, at 23, 24, 25…I feel stuck. I have grown in age. Time has passed. But I feel the same. Unfulfilled, unappreciated (mostly by myself), undeveloped, unproductive, underachieved…UNACCOMPLISHED.